the worry monster

My God is not dead He is surely alive.

How great is that?! God has just been revealing himself to me over and over this semester in ways I didn't know were possible. Not just through people and creation, but in certain situations and the timing of things. Like how cool is it that He knows all those little things that will happen to you?

Matthew 6:25-34 says: "“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

Wow. He takes care of everything that's His, and you better believe you belong to Him.

I was hunting for an internship since last fall, scouring the internet, filling out applications, updating my resume, just searching and searching and searching for something.

It was frustrating, no lie. I started crying in chapel one day in February because I was so overwhelmed. I worry about the future too much sometimes and was just frustrated that I didn't feel a direction. At first I thought going to Africa with Africa Reads was the answer. And I wholeheartedly want to go there one day and believe it will happen. But I needed a longer internship and it wasn't sitting right with me.

Then I thought of all the non-profits I love or working at camp again but just felt like I was missing something. I kept hearing about other Harding student's awesome internships for the summer - and it's amazing how many places and people my friends get to touch! China, Africa, Europe, South America, they're going everywhere! I wanted something like that, honestly. Something that was that big WOW that got people talking. Somewhere exotic and faraway sounding.

But God has different plans and I'm so thankful He did.

At our club meeting one night one of the devo directors talked about how her plans didn't go the way she thought they were, but His plans in the end were MUCH better than anything she had planned. I talked to her about it after and told her about struggling with the same thing, and then the other devo director comes up to me and is like, "You're looking for an internship? I KNOW JUST THE PLACE."

And that's the story of how I became the summer intern for YMCA of the Rockies in COLORADO.

So don't worry. Just pray continuously. Give thanks to God in all circumstances.

Your plans will fail. They will. It's life, and nothing is guaranteed to 100% work for us.

But God's plans never fail. He's got you, precious child. Don't worry.

3 swings and a ring...right?

I think it's about time we talk about THE THING.
You know, that thing you get curious about when you meet someone new, a must discuss item at any girl's sleepover, and the big nail-biting, sometimes jaw-clenching, hopefully butterfly-inducing topic every Harding student has encountered/discussed/dreamed/dreaded at least 50 thousand times before they graduate.

Let's put it in middle school terms: "WHO DO YOU LIKE?"

You see at Harding, there's a lot of pressure put on you in the dating aspect of your life:
Who are you bringing as your function date? Do you like him? Does he like you? 
Who was that boy you were walking to class with?
 Is your lab partner more than just your *ahem* lab partner? Nudge nudge, wink wink. 
When is he going to propose? It's been like 4 months right? I bet you're next to have a ring ceremony!

Three swings and a ring right?

What is it like at other University's? Is it acceptable to go to the movies with a guy friend and not have people wondering if you're dating? Can you sit on a bench with someone to talk and not have it be anything more than that? Can, cue When Harry Met Sally, a boy and a girl really just be friends?

I've been guilty of this mindset. I've had guys take me out for coffee and pay for it, and I definitely way over read into it. He payed for it, does he think this is more? Is he just being nice? Did I just get suprise-dated? Or if a guy asks me to go to Sonic with him more than a few times, Is just hanging out okay with him? Is he trying to get out of the friend zone?

It's how girls are I guess.

In all my vast knowledge of dating (hahaha) I've decided it's okay to not know. It's okay to hang out, to meet a lot of people, to open yourself to new experiences. I can definitely appreciate a guy who has the guts to put himself out there.

BUT. When it actually comes to dating, I'm going to be picky. I'm going to keep my standards high.

In my Christian families class this week our teacher asked us: "Why are people so quick to jump into relationships that may not be the best for them?" 

• We seek fulfillment in people instead of God
• We don't want to be alone
• Seeking attention you're not getting elsewhere 
• Social pressure
• Don't know how to be "single"
• Status & validation
• Lack of confidence

I'm sure there's many more reasons, but I felt this list summed up pretty well all the general thoughts about why we go into relationships we shouldn't.

I met with one of my club sponsors this week to talk for an hour about marriage and dating and relationships and she definitely reaffirmed my thoughts: Don't settle. Don't worry your standards are too high. Of course no one is perfect, so no one is going to perfectly fit your checklist in mind or the expectations you have. But don't let all those insecurities and doubts in your mind push you into a relationship you shouldn't be in. It's not worth it.

Marriage, my sponsor told me, is a special gift from God. And it's better to be a little lost and confused right now until you find the right one than to be filled with a life of anger, resentment, and an even more lonely kind of lonely than you feel now.

The right guy isn't just supposed to just love you for who you are. He's someone who will challenge you in your walk with Christ, someone who will grow with you and hold you accountable. "The ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy but to glorify God."

So find your fulfillment in God first. Build relationships with the people around you. Say yes to adventures.

4:45 AM

I'm going to tell you about my week and you're going to think this is from a novel instead of real life.



It started at 4:45 AM on Sunday March 30. And that's when I climbed a mountain at dawn and watched the sunrise with two of my best friends. Now, I've seen some pretty amazing sunrises in my time (read a blog about that here), and the experience of climbing that mountain in the dark to reach that sunrise is what makes this sunrise in my top 5. Naturally at the top I had to take some silhouette pictures.

On Monday, I beauxed three really legit guys with my favorite girls in the world. Greg Hall, Ben Parrish, Jimmy Pounders: you guys have no idea how much lovin you're going to get during your next 2.5 years at Harding.

Tuesday has no photo to remember it by, but I'll never forget it. One of my best friends at Harding called me, crying after a hard day. We met and hugged for I'm not kidding you 10 minutes straight. (That doesn't sound like very long, but just think about it. TEN. MINUTES.) It was one of the most beautiful moments I ever experienced, feeling so loved and so needed. We talked for 2 and a half hours in her car that night, talking, laughing, her crying, then me crying, both of us pouring our hearts out to each other.  So many thoughts and struggles and burdens and questions. It's amazing how one conversation can change your day, your week, your outlook on life.

 

Thursday was this sassy little girl's 19th birthday. And, gosh, do I need to write about everything she means to me? We're so different. She's stubborn, and cares about her hair and her makeup too much, and she doesn't eat meat, but she's one of my best friends in the world and I'm so blessed to have her for a sister. Someone who talks in weird voices with me, someone who loves cats as much as I do, someone who lets her guard down to just be herself around me. That's the Aubrey I love that some people may never see. And that girl is perfect.






Friday was filming. Did you know I'm probably going to double major now in Public Relations and Electronic Media Production? Not only does it make me more marketable in the PR world, but it also is a love of mine I want to expand on. I shot all around campus, chapel, the front lawn, the student center, all those cliche things you'd see in a "It's Great To Be At Harding" video. And I loved it. It's not the best work, it's not the most creative, and I threw it together in a day, but I'm proud of it. It's a step towards my future. :)

Friday night, I did a service project with ChiOs and we put together a dinner for the dorm moms and dads at Harding. I was on kid patrol and I was delighted. Harding Rachel slipped into Stevens Ranch Firefly once again and all was right in the world.

Afterwards I went and played tennis with one of my favorite guys at Harding. He's just so great. Not only is he a fun and easy going guy, but it's also super easy to talk deep with him. I feel like I can tell him anything. We played tennis and talked for 3 hours (probably tennis for just 1 hour of that haha) and it was freezing outside but it was so worth it

 
Anyways, to sum this week up: I'm so blessed. You ask God to open your eyes to new experiences and make connections with others, and you're going to be super surprised with the results.