Graduation Thoughts & Love Does

So.

Senior year.

Senior year, the big year when people start asking you that burning question: what are you doing after graduation?

Some people have had their plan figured out since they were 6 years old. They're going to med school or law school or teaching or whatever their passion is.

Other people sit on it awhile, not a clue in the world about what they want to do, and then suddenly, yes. They've got it.

My ideas always come somewhere in the middle of that. I never had my mind made up when I was little, but instead changed my career choice several times. To lead into my main thought for this blog post, I've decided to share a little essay I had to write this summer about myself:

When I was in second grade, I started keeping a journal.

Mostly I kept one because my teacher made me. She wanted the whole class to document our second grade experience, and second grade Rachel adored her teacher and loved pleasing people. So I wrote in that journal diligently and decided I was going to be a teacher. When I grow up, second grade Rachel decided, I’m going to inspire other little children to love learning, too.

In middle school, on top of continuing my journal, I began devouring books—adventures in faraway lands occupied my daydreams and victories and defeats from history and fantasy alike became my own joy and sadness. This passion for reading struck a deep, creative chord inside of me—I could write like that too, I told myself, I’m going to become a writer and people everywhere will read my exciting stories.  

When I entered high school, I had less time for my own personal reading because of my extracurricular activities, my first job, and school assignments. I decided this was okay, however, when I had to read Romeo and Juliet for class and fell straightaway in love with Shakespeare’s beautiful and witty words. I absorbed more classics—Dostoyevsky and Dickens became my exotic companions. Jane Austen and Harper Lee were my best friends. I read and I studied and I researched. I want to be a Renaissance-women, I pondered. I want to go to school the rest of my life and learn everything.

In college, this love for classics turned into a zeal for world affairs and meeting people of all walks of life. I began pursuing any experience that would get me closer to these passions.  I studied abroad in Greece for 3 months, travelling to Israel, Egypt, and Italy while overseas. I worked as a counselor at a Girl Scout camp for two summers. I declared my major to be Public Relations with a minor in Electronic Media Production. I interned in Colorado for a summer, making friends all around the United States and the world. I started keeping a blog of all my adventures, my thoughts, my encounters with life.

So who am I?


I’m a storyteller.

My dream is to help share other people’s stories. I want to combine all my life loves—teaching and reading and writing—and ultimately become a communicator for a global non-profit organization.

(Here's where my post graduation thoughts come in)

After graduation next May, I want to join a program called China Now for a year where American graduates teach conversational English to Chinese university students. I’ve learned that being overseas challenges, strengthens, teaches, and inspires a person in a unique way and I can’t wait for that experience again.

Fitzgerald summed my life up when he said, “I’m not sure what I'll do, but—well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.”

So, it's a little farfetched. It's not what you normally expect someone to want to do after graduations (although at Harding it really isn't that out there.) It is a crazy financial and cultural commitment. 

BUT. Ever since I started helping the new Chinese students here at Harding, I've felt this huge tug on my heart to do this. I started thinking about it last semester, and the idea kept growing throughout the summer. Now that's I'm back here at Harding again and seriously considering graduation options, it's something I think about.

Every. Single. Day. 

We talk about culture and living abroad in my Missionary Anthropology class (so at first I was like, why am I taking this extra class I don't need? Now I'm extremely grateful.) We discuss culture shock and adapting to it, the commitment it takes, and most importantly, the openness and flexibility you need to have. I can do that. I believe I can do it and make a difference.

Recently for my Media Ethics class I had to read the book Love Does by Bob Goff. If you haven't read it, drop everything and do it now. Goff writes in a quirky and masterful voice and tells remarkable stories from his life that he relates back to following Jesus. He invites his readers to embrace a life of living and loving to the fullest.

My favorite thing about Love Does isn’t only his entertaining stories and deep lessons he’s learned from them, it’s his entire message wrapped up in the epilogue. At the end of the book he challenges his readers who are looking for their next step: “Choose something that already lights you up…pick something you feel like you were made to do and then do lots of that…Heaven’s been leaning over the rails in the same way ever since you got here, waiting to see what you’ll do with your life."

I loved these words, not just because I am a whimsical, spontaneous person and these dreamy words spoke to me, but also because Bob dares people to do what most other devotional book don’t say. We’re scared to take risks and make big leaps and dream big sometimes: Bob wants us to throw ourselves out there, say yes to things, and see what happens. As a college senior about to graduate in a year, I’ve never been more excited to embrace that unknown.

At our ChiO spiritual retreat this weekend, we talked a lot about how you shouldn't be fearful of the future, and how instead of waiting for something to happen, you just gotta go and do something. God's there, he's always there, and he's fightin for you and never gonna stop, but you have to do your part too. 

And I absolutely love that. 

So I'm not sure right now what's going to happen after graduation. My heart is set on China, but that doesn't mean doors won't open or close to some other way. So it could be China, or it could be Colorado. It might be back in Texas, or even on the stinkin moon. I have no idea yet. I'll keep you updated.

So there's your daily dose of Rachel's ramblings, and that's about all I got for now.

SENIOR YEAR

I just started my SENIOR year in college.  How is that even possible!? The very last year of school I will (most likely) ever have. It's strange that after 16 years of starting a new grade every fall, this is it. The end.

But also the beginning. I can't wait to see what this year holds, and am so excited to begin life after school. It's scary, exhilarating, nerve-racking, and completely crazy to think about, but I feel ready for it. In my mind it's going to be like jumping out of a plane, (speaking of which, when can I sign up to do that again?) a small, rickety, plane that's got one way up and then a leap of faith. I'm ready to free fall wherever God takes me.

After my exciting internship in Colorado with the YMCA of the Rockies in Estes Park this summer, it feels so great reconnecting with everyone and seeing how much I've grown as a PR student. (Read my Colorado blog here)

The year is already off to a great start. I live with 3 of my best friends and we've already had a heck of an awesome, laughter-filled, walmart-running, deep-talking, loud-singing time. I'm working as a lab attendant in the Reynolds computer lab (and it hasn't been busy at all yet, so essentially I'm getting paid to work on my homework). I'm activities director for Chi Omega Pi, and my co-director and I have been up to some fantastic function scheming. I'm also the Public Relations chair for the Relay for Life Executive committee, and am super excited to be taking on a role that will help out a cause that I love and give me great PR practice and experience.

The classes I'm taking are pretty much the bomb:

• Communication Law with Doc Shock
• Christian View of Media Ethics with Miller & Baker
• Radio Production with Dutch
• Copy Editing
• Missionary Anthropology
• Tennis (for the 3rd time because I love it!) 

Aside from the 3 hour Copy Editing night class, (which wouldn't be bad if it were just an hour every other day) my class schedule is great.

The ChiO devo directors recently had a prayer night last weekend where they lit candles in Shores chapel and set up prayer stations for us to go around. At one of the stations were the most beautiful prayers from Saints.

My favorite is one by St. Francis of Assissi called Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is discord, harmony;

Where there is error, truth;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;

To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

That's my prayer this semester. To be that Instrument of Peace to friends I visit with, new ChiO members I meet, teachers I have class with, strangers who are struggling.

That prayer night was the perfect opportunity for me to think about this semester and all I hope to accomplish. While it was a slight adjustment coming back to Searcy, Arkansas where we go to Walmart on the weekends for fun instead of climbing mountains and jumping out of airplanes, I'm excited to see where God will be moving this semester.

Stay tuned.

xoxo

Reunited with my ChiOs and it feels so good.

the worry monster

My God is not dead He is surely alive.

How great is that?! God has just been revealing himself to me over and over this semester in ways I didn't know were possible. Not just through people and creation, but in certain situations and the timing of things. Like how cool is it that He knows all those little things that will happen to you?

Matthew 6:25-34 says: "“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."

Wow. He takes care of everything that's His, and you better believe you belong to Him.

I was hunting for an internship since last fall, scouring the internet, filling out applications, updating my resume, just searching and searching and searching for something.

It was frustrating, no lie. I started crying in chapel one day in February because I was so overwhelmed. I worry about the future too much sometimes and was just frustrated that I didn't feel a direction. At first I thought going to Africa with Africa Reads was the answer. And I wholeheartedly want to go there one day and believe it will happen. But I needed a longer internship and it wasn't sitting right with me.

Then I thought of all the non-profits I love or working at camp again but just felt like I was missing something. I kept hearing about other Harding student's awesome internships for the summer - and it's amazing how many places and people my friends get to touch! China, Africa, Europe, South America, they're going everywhere! I wanted something like that, honestly. Something that was that big WOW that got people talking. Somewhere exotic and faraway sounding.

But God has different plans and I'm so thankful He did.

At our club meeting one night one of the devo directors talked about how her plans didn't go the way she thought they were, but His plans in the end were MUCH better than anything she had planned. I talked to her about it after and told her about struggling with the same thing, and then the other devo director comes up to me and is like, "You're looking for an internship? I KNOW JUST THE PLACE."

And that's the story of how I became the summer intern for YMCA of the Rockies in COLORADO.

So don't worry. Just pray continuously. Give thanks to God in all circumstances.

Your plans will fail. They will. It's life, and nothing is guaranteed to 100% work for us.

But God's plans never fail. He's got you, precious child. Don't worry.

3 swings and a ring...right?

I think it's about time we talk about THE THING.
You know, that thing you get curious about when you meet someone new, a must discuss item at any girl's sleepover, and the big nail-biting, sometimes jaw-clenching, hopefully butterfly-inducing topic every Harding student has encountered/discussed/dreamed/dreaded at least 50 thousand times before they graduate.

Let's put it in middle school terms: "WHO DO YOU LIKE?"

You see at Harding, there's a lot of pressure put on you in the dating aspect of your life:
Who are you bringing as your function date? Do you like him? Does he like you? 
Who was that boy you were walking to class with?
 Is your lab partner more than just your *ahem* lab partner? Nudge nudge, wink wink. 
When is he going to propose? It's been like 4 months right? I bet you're next to have a ring ceremony!

Three swings and a ring right?

What is it like at other University's? Is it acceptable to go to the movies with a guy friend and not have people wondering if you're dating? Can you sit on a bench with someone to talk and not have it be anything more than that? Can, cue When Harry Met Sally, a boy and a girl really just be friends?

I've been guilty of this mindset. I've had guys take me out for coffee and pay for it, and I definitely way over read into it. He payed for it, does he think this is more? Is he just being nice? Did I just get suprise-dated? Or if a guy asks me to go to Sonic with him more than a few times, Is just hanging out okay with him? Is he trying to get out of the friend zone?

It's how girls are I guess.

In all my vast knowledge of dating (hahaha) I've decided it's okay to not know. It's okay to hang out, to meet a lot of people, to open yourself to new experiences. I can definitely appreciate a guy who has the guts to put himself out there.

BUT. When it actually comes to dating, I'm going to be picky. I'm going to keep my standards high.

In my Christian families class this week our teacher asked us: "Why are people so quick to jump into relationships that may not be the best for them?" 

• We seek fulfillment in people instead of God
• We don't want to be alone
• Seeking attention you're not getting elsewhere 
• Social pressure
• Don't know how to be "single"
• Status & validation
• Lack of confidence

I'm sure there's many more reasons, but I felt this list summed up pretty well all the general thoughts about why we go into relationships we shouldn't.

I met with one of my club sponsors this week to talk for an hour about marriage and dating and relationships and she definitely reaffirmed my thoughts: Don't settle. Don't worry your standards are too high. Of course no one is perfect, so no one is going to perfectly fit your checklist in mind or the expectations you have. But don't let all those insecurities and doubts in your mind push you into a relationship you shouldn't be in. It's not worth it.

Marriage, my sponsor told me, is a special gift from God. And it's better to be a little lost and confused right now until you find the right one than to be filled with a life of anger, resentment, and an even more lonely kind of lonely than you feel now.

The right guy isn't just supposed to just love you for who you are. He's someone who will challenge you in your walk with Christ, someone who will grow with you and hold you accountable. "The ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy but to glorify God."

So find your fulfillment in God first. Build relationships with the people around you. Say yes to adventures.

4:45 AM

I'm going to tell you about my week and you're going to think this is from a novel instead of real life.



It started at 4:45 AM on Sunday March 30. And that's when I climbed a mountain at dawn and watched the sunrise with two of my best friends. Now, I've seen some pretty amazing sunrises in my time (read a blog about that here), and the experience of climbing that mountain in the dark to reach that sunrise is what makes this sunrise in my top 5. Naturally at the top I had to take some silhouette pictures.

On Monday, I beauxed three really legit guys with my favorite girls in the world. Greg Hall, Ben Parrish, Jimmy Pounders: you guys have no idea how much lovin you're going to get during your next 2.5 years at Harding.

Tuesday has no photo to remember it by, but I'll never forget it. One of my best friends at Harding called me, crying after a hard day. We met and hugged for I'm not kidding you 10 minutes straight. (That doesn't sound like very long, but just think about it. TEN. MINUTES.) It was one of the most beautiful moments I ever experienced, feeling so loved and so needed. We talked for 2 and a half hours in her car that night, talking, laughing, her crying, then me crying, both of us pouring our hearts out to each other.  So many thoughts and struggles and burdens and questions. It's amazing how one conversation can change your day, your week, your outlook on life.

 

Thursday was this sassy little girl's 19th birthday. And, gosh, do I need to write about everything she means to me? We're so different. She's stubborn, and cares about her hair and her makeup too much, and she doesn't eat meat, but she's one of my best friends in the world and I'm so blessed to have her for a sister. Someone who talks in weird voices with me, someone who loves cats as much as I do, someone who lets her guard down to just be herself around me. That's the Aubrey I love that some people may never see. And that girl is perfect.






Friday was filming. Did you know I'm probably going to double major now in Public Relations and Electronic Media Production? Not only does it make me more marketable in the PR world, but it also is a love of mine I want to expand on. I shot all around campus, chapel, the front lawn, the student center, all those cliche things you'd see in a "It's Great To Be At Harding" video. And I loved it. It's not the best work, it's not the most creative, and I threw it together in a day, but I'm proud of it. It's a step towards my future. :)

Friday night, I did a service project with ChiOs and we put together a dinner for the dorm moms and dads at Harding. I was on kid patrol and I was delighted. Harding Rachel slipped into Stevens Ranch Firefly once again and all was right in the world.

Afterwards I went and played tennis with one of my favorite guys at Harding. He's just so great. Not only is he a fun and easy going guy, but it's also super easy to talk deep with him. I feel like I can tell him anything. We played tennis and talked for 3 hours (probably tennis for just 1 hour of that haha) and it was freezing outside but it was so worth it

 
Anyways, to sum this week up: I'm so blessed. You ask God to open your eyes to new experiences and make connections with others, and you're going to be super surprised with the results.

praise, seek, trust

This has been one of the most joy-filled, heart breaking, bittersweet weeks of my time at Harding.

Monday I was super busy. I finished my resume and cover letter and finally applied for several internships I'm looking at. I was so excited about moving forward with my summer plans and really felt like I was taking a step in the right direction. I talked to my mom about it, ate dinner with my friend Meredith, then ran back to my room to meet my sister to give her some things.

That's when I got the text: my grandma passed away.

My Grandma Audrey was an amazing woman. Her husband died back in 1963 in a plane crash, leaving her to raise 5 young kids all on her own. I can't even imagine. She lived in New Jersey with them until they were all grown and she started getting older. She loved New Jersey, but she needed to be closer to my aunts so they could help take care of her so they moved her to Virginia.

She would say all the time, "I just want to go home." At first she meant New Jersey. I think her idea of home changed after awhile and she meant heaven.

Gosh that lady was one of a kind though. She slowly and sadly started getting alzheimers, so the times I saw her in the last few years were kind of funny interactions to us when we were younger.

When we would walk into my aunts house from the airport, my grandma would greet us.
Grandma: Hi girls
Us: Hi grandma
Grandma: How was your flight
Us: It was good, very nice weather!
Grandma: Well that's good, I remember when....
And then she would launch into a long story or lecture about her husband or about being a substitute teacher and how the kids called her "Cruise control" (her last name was Kruse)  and eventually it would lead her back around again to:
Grandma: Well yes anyways so how was your flight?
Us: Uh...really good. The weather was nice.
And she would nod and tell us another story.

I'm so glad Grandma isn't suffering or sad anymore. It's just really hard for me to wrap my mind around. I've never had someone so closely related to me pass away. I wasn't close to my Grandma, but it's still so sad I never had the chance to be. And my heart is breaking for my mom, because I know she feels like she missed out on a lot by not living near Virginia with the rest family.

No one tells you how to prepare for this. I made a post about it later, and everyone commented on it and sent me comforting texts and I realized I had no idea what to say back. I just can't imagine what this is like for someone who loses their parent or child or sibling. It must feel like this but a million times worse.

Before I told anyone though, I went to my ChiO meeting not feeling quite ready for people. But, gosh it's amazing how God works. People were just loving on me, hugging me all around and messing with me. I got a cupcake shoved in my face. I had a beautiful conversation with someone. It's exactly what I needed at the moment, to feel loved and encouraged, and they had no idea how much they were helping me.

This week has definitely inspired me (and what a weird week it's been.) I've been thinking a lot about my own relationship with my mom. What I want to do with my life. Boys. (Boys are suddenly now talking to me more. Yeah I don't know either.) I got asked to a function. I played goalie for A team soccer. I'm learning to let go of a grudge against a friend. I was asked to live with two of my favorite people next semester.

 In the good times and bad, God is good.

This was your weekly dose of rambling thoughts by Rachel, and I'm out for now.

sooner or later

The most incredible thing happened this past weekend.


I met Mat Kearney. (And if you aren't familiar with this wonderful singer or his music, please go check him out.)

I wasn't even planning on going to the concert at first. I thought it would be cool, but wanted to save money for spring break instead (I know it was only 10 bucks, but give me a break I'm a poor college kid) Once I found out more of my friends were going and someone offered a free ticket on Facebook, you bet I changed my mind and snatched that puppy up. 

And wow. His stage presence, his crowd interactivity, his authenticity - it was magical. He cracked jokes, he made up a song on the spot about performing at Harding, and he brought up the guy in the seat behind me (RIGHT IN THE SEAT BEHIND ME) on the stage to play the drums with him.

And then, in the middle of "Runaway" (only my favorite song of his EVER) he leaps off stage and into the crowd and next thing I know he's right in front of me and I'm reaching out thinking, I need to touch this beautiful man. Something. Anything. And then my hand connected and I realized I had just accidentally touched his butt. My new claim to fame here.

After the concert we were disappointed to find out he wasn't doing a meet and greet, but got the crazy idea to run out to his tour bus and wait for him. We waited and waited and were told to please go away and we weren't allowed to take pictures, and then suddenly the man of the hour himself walked outside, saw the group of people standing by his bus and immediately came over to say hello. Wow.  I could have sat down and talked with this guy for hours, he was so friendly. It was dark, and he wasn't really smiling in the picture (he was really happy I promise, it's not like I told him I touched his butt)  but we got our picture.

But this night got me thinking...what if I pursued God the way I pursued Mat Kearney? (Okay hear me out before this gets weird.)

Those thoughts I had, I need to touch him. Something. Anything. What if that were my prayer everyday? To live each moment desperately seeking Him out and wanting His love and mercy poured over me every moment?

Psalm 105:4 says, "Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!"

Also, look at Philippians. The whole book. That's my new challenge, to read Philippians everyday. It's my favorite book in the Bible. It may be short, but it's got everything there - and I get something new out of it everytime I read it. 

Well I wish I had more inspirational/spiritual/thought-provoking words for you today. But that's pretty much it.


I just want you to know, future Rachel, that sooner or later you're going to get where you're going. Just keep pursuing Him along the way.